I hate to admit it, but I’m broken. I’m shattered. I’m a scar that should have been stitched, but your girl hates the doctor. I ugly cry at night on the reg. That’s life for me and I never have time to even try to pick up my broken pieces and attempt to glue myself back together.
With as broken as I am, I try so hard to make every little thing in my life look perfect to everyone else. I want perfection. I crave perfection. I need perfection. I want everyone to think I have my life together. A façade. A mask.
The scary thing about this façade, to me, isn’t that we all have one, it’s the loneliness that we put ourselves through because of our decision to put on the mask. I often ask myself “Is it just me?” “Am I the only one that feels like a constant failure?” “Am I the only one that feels so broken and hurt?”
We all have a façade. We all have our imperfections we’re trying to hide. We all know the loneliness that it seems to come with it even when you’re surrounded by a sea of people. I feel like I have to pick up my pieces by myself because everyone else is trying to pick up theirs. To me, there is 2 problems with this.
We are suppose to have a community that picks us up and pushes us towards Christ.
We shouldn’t pick up our pieces by ourselves. We have God that is going to make us new.
So, I’m preaching to the choir here, but let other people help you when you feel alone in the façade (Galatians 6:2). It’s a struggle let me tell you... but it’s worth it. I’m still learning and figuring out what it means to let other people help you and be there for you, but I want you to know from personal experience that it’s ok to break down with your people. They need to see all your broken pieces to see the work God is doing in your life. They need to see the importance of vulnerability and know that you will be there in their darkest moments, too, even if it’s 2am Kim K crying, if you know what I mean. They’re your people, let them be your people.
The most important thing I’m learning through letting go of my façade is that with all my brokenness, God is making me into a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). I’m never going to be perfect as I think I should be, but He is perfect in me. I am never going to good enough on my own, but He makes me good. I’m never going to be the light He calls me to be because my days are so dark, but He is the light that leads my way. He is making me new. He is making me whole. He is in the process of making me like Him.
No more façades. No more masks.
Only Jesus. Only Him.