Being Vulnerable on the Mountain
God I don't know what to pray, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to shepherd the people you have called me to shepherd Father, but I know that Your perfect will still remains. I know that You're a gracious, loving, caring Father that carries His children. God, I pray that You would speak through me and my insecurities so that Your name is proclaimed. Amen
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." -James 5:16
Lately I've been in this stage of constant vulnerability. I find that it's a lot less stressful than constantly making yourself seem better than you really are.
I want to start by saying how humbled I am to be chosen for the job I have been given. The platform (mountain) that God has placed me on is amazing, and I often
struggle to find how I fit into the equation but, I'm willing to follow where He leads.
With that, my whole life I have been driven by the internal idea that I'm not good enough. I have always told myself that I'm not good enough. Whether it be at academics, sports, friendships, anything and everything. If I'm being 100% honest, there weren't many people around who told me otherwise. Because of this, I began to seek other things to fulfill me. I filled that void with extracurricular activities, addictions, meaningless relationships, and resentment toward God. That's horrible right? Yeah, I know. But after being here at NSU, after finding out who MY God really is, I am overwhelmed by the love I experience daily from the people He has placed in my life.
All of this to say, although I still struggle with being enough. God took time to make us, why would He not make us enough? “So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.” -Genesis 1:27 You are exactly who you are meant to be. God loves you. Don't question it. It's not worth it. I'm sure there are others out there who experience the same thing day in and day out. I'm here to tell you that you are enough.
That being said, I'm asking that each of you keep me in your prayers. Keep me in your thoughts. Hold me accountable. Because of my human, sinful nature, the words that I speak do not always express the belief that I am enough, but I'm asking that you remind me that I am enough. God made me enough, and in His eyes, that's all that matters.
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." -Romans 8:26-27
-Fellow Struggler that tries to put up a front, but is working on breaking down the barriers that make me seem put together.