God, I'm So Scared

Lately I’ve been living in the death grip of fear and it feels like the more I move and try to get out the more I’m sucked into it. It seems like there is no escape. What do I do? Where do I go? I keep crying out to

God, but it feels like my prayers hit the ceiling and all I can say to Him is,

“God, I’m so scared”

I know that He says in 2 Timothy 1:7 that He “does not give us a spirit of fear” but the way that I feel and the chronic fear I live in, I think it may be my spiritual gift. My fear ranges from “no one will like me” to “I will never be successful,” and these thoughts are on a never-ending cycle in my head. So, I pray and I ask, “why?” and remind Him,

“God, I’m so scared”

When I pray He feels far away and I don’t know how to get closer. Is it my fault? Am I the reason He is so distant? I believe the Bible when it says “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you,” (James 4:8) Am I not doing that? I speak to Him regularly, I read and expect Him to speak, I ask wise counsel, and still I feel far from Him. And so, drained I exclaim,

“God, I’m so scared”

But then I remember, so was Moses when he was called to lead. So was David on his walk to fight Goliath. So was Abraham on his trek to sacrifice Isaac. And goodness, so was Isaac on his journey to be sacrificed. And probably Jesus on His way to the cross. Yet still, in their fear they obeyed. Yet still, in their fear and obedience, God revealed Himself and His glory. So, while my head declares,

“God, I’m so scared”

My heart, like Moses, will plea, “God, please show me Your glory.” (Exodus 33:18)

It is in this that I will stand firm, my God will show His glory, my God’s name will be proclaimed, His goodness will pass before me and He will show grace and compassion to those He chooses. (Exodus 33:19) I know that I am chosen. I know that I will experience Him. My God is love, and “there is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:8). So no longer will I say, “God, I’m so scared,” but instead,

“God, I’m confident in You”

This is my choice, to believe in Him. I believe He is faithful (1 Corinthians 10:13). I believe He is light and in Him is no darkness (1 John 1:5). I believe He is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12). I believe He is perfect and my refuge (Psalm 18:32). I believe God is love (1 John 4:8). I believe He has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11). If these things are true, there is no reason to fear. So, no longer will I say “God, I’m so scared,” but instead,

“God, I am confident in You”

“God, I will follow you”

“God, all of me, all for You”

“God, I am not scared”